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How to recover from sex

What's the rush? A recent survey of sex therapists in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that 7 to 13 minutes is the most desirable length of time for actual intercourse per session. During your downtime, focus on getting her off rather than getting it up, suggests Debby Herbenick, Ph. Seeing her excitement will arouse you and help you slip back into the saddle faster. Every time you ejaculate, your pituitary gland produces a surge of oxytocin and prolactin, hormones that make you relax, says Larry Lipshultz, M. These hormones suppress dopamine, the neurotransmitter responsible for arousal. Scientists suspect that lengthened refractory periods are caused by age-related changes in the pituitary system, which disrupt the balance of oxytocin and prolactin and suppress dopamine. One natural solution: Raise your dopamine levels by eating more foods rich in vitamins B6, B12, and folate, such as chickpeas, tuna, and asparagus, says Dr. However, if your problem is ruining your sex life, ask your doc about writing an off-label prescription for the drug cabergoline, he says. It's typically prescribed for people with pituitary tumors because it suppresses prolactin, but preliminary research reveals that it can also decrease refractory time significantly in two-thirds of patients.
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Women may be primed to go seconds after the first big win, but for men, it may not be so easy.
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The refractory period occurs right after you reach your sexual climax. It refers to the time between an orgasm and when you feel ready to be sexually aroused again. A peptide called somatostatin is also thought to reduce sexual arousal right after ejaculation. There are no hard numbers here. It varies widely from person to person based on a variety of factors, including overall health, libido, and diet. Average figures suggest that for females, mere seconds may pass before sexual arousal and orgasm is possible again. It may take a few minutes, an hour, several hours, a day, or even longer. As you get older, 12 to 24 hours may pass before your body is able to become aroused again. A analysis suggests that sexual function most noticeably changes — for both sexes — at age One review looked at data from three different studies of males and females engaging in masturbation or penile-vaginal intercourse PVI to orgasm.
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Sex addiction is not defined by the amount or type of sexual activity involved, but by the particular relationship the person has to compulsive sexual experiences. Anyone who has ever experienced an orgasm knows the tremendous power of sex. The incredible rush of sexual pleasure a person feels during orgasm is indeed intoxicating. However, a person who is not addicted to sex, no matter how much or how often he enjoys sex, can also have fun and find pleasure engaging in other relationships and activities. Those with sexual addiction, however, find little pleasure or gratification in doing anything else. People with symptoms of sexual addiction are generally afraid of truly intimate relationships. They repeatedly and compulsively try to connect with others through highly impersonal, non-intimate behaviors: masturbation , empty affairs, frequent visits to prostitutes, voyeurism, and the like. They achieve entry into the erotic haze through obsessive, highly ritualized sexual behavior. People with sex addiction use sex just as those addicted to drugs or alcohol use substances: as an anesthetizer that allows them to escape painful realities and as a way to regulate their moods whenever they feel stress or anxiety. As dependence on the behavior progresses, they typically experience emotional states that duplicate those of people addicted to substances.
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Your sexual drive can stay high late in life, but often your energy for sex can diminish. Low energy not only affects your sex life, but can carry over to other parts of your life, too. You can become apathetic, no longer find pleasure in favorite activities, and become more sedentary. However, many of these issues related to lost sexual energy can be addressed. Your lost sexual vim and vigor is often related to some kind of physical, emotional, or relationship issue.

Here's a look at the most common causes. Low hormones. Lack of sexual energy could be due to male hypogonadism, which occurs when the testicles do not produce enough testosterone, the male sex hormone.

In fact, fatigue is one of the most common side effects. A blood test from your doctor can determine if you have low testosterone. Testosterone replacement therapy, which is given via absorbable pellet implants, topical gels, patches, and injections, can often help spark sexual energy in men with low levels. Findings from a study published online Aug. Speak with your doctor about whether testosterone therapy is an option for you. Long- term risks are not well known, but there is concern for an increased risk of heart disease and prostate problems.

Erectile dysfunction. Men with erectile dysfunction can experience low energy because the condition can be a blow to their self-esteem.

In this case, speak with your doctor about taking an ED drug or exploring other options for getting or keeping an erection, like using a penile pump. Even though talking about ED may be difficult, it's important to open up lines of communication with your partner. Poor sleep. Lack of sleep can be one of the main energy zappers. Poor sleep can increase stress levels and interfere with how your body and brain store and use energy, which is why you feel so sluggish after not sleeping well.

And if you are tired, you have less energy for sex. Talk with your doctor if you have trouble sleeping. Steps like changing medication or dose, cognitive behavioral therapy, and adjusting your diet and sleeping environment can often improve sleep quality. Lack of movement. When you have no sexual energy, you need to get moving. Regular exercise is one of the best natural energy boosters. Numerous studies have linked exercise with improving fatigue, especially among sedentary people.

You don't need much to get a jolt — 2. Focus on a combination of cardio and weight-bearing exercises like brisk walking and strength training. Many medical conditions can affect sexual drive, such as obesity, diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure, and high cholesterol.

So be diligent about regular medical check-ups. Also, many drugs, including blood pressure drugs, antidepressants, and tranquilizers can produce erectile difficulties. Consult with your doctor if you take any of these. Lack of energy also could be relationship-oriented, if you and your partner are not in sexual sync. For instance, you may have energy for sex, but your partner doesn't, or at least not at the same level.

If sexual activity is physically uncomfortable, not surprisingly, a woman's sex drive also diminishes," says Dr. In this situation, you need to communicate with your partner about how important sex is to you. It's not about making demands, but about finding ways to explore mutual goals, such as pleasure and closeness. There's a lot of room to find common ground, she adds. For example, you can ask your partner to be with you when you pleasure yourself, which feels intimate and can allow both partners to feel connected.

Sometimes the sexual barrier is not about sex at all. An open dialogue also can reveal issues beneath the surface that may interfere with your partner's sexual energy. Finally, another way to ignite lost sexual energy is to do new things together. Many times, this can be done outside the bedroom, like having more date nights, going for long weekend romantic getaways, or even doing simple activities together like joining a club or taking a class. Disclaimer: As a service to our readers, Harvard Health Publishing provides access to our library of archived content.

Please note the date of last review on all articles. No content on this site, regardless of date, should ever be used as a substitute for direct medical advice from your doctor or other qualified clinician. Harvard Men's Health Watch. If lack of energy has drained your sex life, there are ways to reignite the passion. Published: February, E-mail Address. First Name Optional. Get checked out Many medical conditions can affect sexual drive, such as obesity, diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure, and high cholesterol.

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